1 week in

Rion just completed his 5th radiation treatment and has been on the oral chemo for 7 days now. We are both relieved that he is doing so good considering what his body has been through in the last week.

Thursday was a rough day, he was hit with overwhelming nausea that we could not get under control. Friday morning the doctor's office switched his full time anti-nausea medication and had us start giving him the as needed anti-nausea meds every 4 hours. The idea was to keep this up for the weekend and then meet with the doctor on Tuesday at our regular weekly appointment to make sure everything was under control. Unfortunately something in the as needed anti-nausea meds did not agree with him and he had a pretty scary reaction on Saturday- his jaw locked to the point that he couldn't close his mouth or speak! One frantic call to the on call oncologist and they knew exactly which med was causing it when I described what happened and luckily it could be stopped with Benedryl. Rion woke up fine Sunday morning except his jaw was extremely sore for being clenched for a few hours the previous day. He has not had any nausea and is just taking the full time anti-nausea medication every 8 hours. His energy & appetite are still doing amazingly well which we pray will continue!

Tomorrow we have our weekly appointments with both the radiation oncologist and the medical oncologist. I am hoping that when they do his blood work (medical oncologist) all of his levels will come back ok. It's some times hard for us to remember that he needs to be careful not to cut himself & to take extra precaution to avoid infections because he is more susceptible to bleeding & illness while on the chemo. But at the same time he looks and acts normal and we are trying to keep our lives as normal as we can during all of this.

I don't really have much new to report except that I feel like I am waiting for the other shoe to fall- I'm so afraid we'll be hit with another side effect or drug reaction that will be more serious than what we've dealt with thus far. In both situations, the nausea and the lock jaw, I felt so incredible helpless having to just stand by while he was miserable, it's hard to watch him suffer and not be able to help. I know it drives Rion CRAZY with me constantly asking him how he feels, if he needs anything, did he take his meds, etc. I'm trying to find that balance between being a diligent caretaker and remaining a loving wife- never in a million years did I think this would be the kind of balance I'd be struggling to find. It still feels wierd to think of Rion as having cancer just as it took months to accept he has had a brain tumor (Amen to that! He HAD a brain tumor!!) But it is what it is and I think we've been able to find acceptance and make peace with the diagnosis. There are still times where I briefly feel overwhelmed and fearful of what is to come but those times are happening fewer and further between. I still feel blessed to have Rion in my life and have this opportunity to take care of him and show him how much I love him.

If you had told me 3 months ago, right after the diagnosis, that something good would come out of all of this I would have laughed at you. But as cliche as it sounds, I have find myself happier over all with life than I was before. I was always complaining about something- not having enough money, not being happy where I was in my life, not having enough time to do all the things I wanted to do- and I forgot to just be happy with the fact that we had our health and our love. But now I am happy to just wake up and see Rion next to me. I am happy that I work with people who understand that all the time I am having to take off work is not because I want to but because I have to. I am happy that we now know who our true friends are and that family has been brought closer together. I am happy to just sit back and relax and enjoy each moment as it happens. Rion and I have stopped watching TV as much as we did before because just being together and playing with the dogs or talking is enough to keep us entertained. We have simplied our life and in the process found so much joy in the little things that were often overlooked before.

Please pray that Rion continues on the path that he is on as far as feeling good and maintaining his positive attitude. Also please pray for my strength as some days I feel like I just can't deal with anything more and then inevitable I am given a new problem to fix or something else to keep track of. And pray that everyone in our life knows how much they mean to us and how much we appreciate everything they do for us even if we don't alwasy have time to thank them personally or tell them I love you.

Blessings,

Emily